How about alerting the young men of America and informing them to, and I quote the always dapper Fonzworth Bentley, "Pull your ass down or pull your pants up." That was from Season 1 of From G's To Gents, great stuff. He's right though, boxers protruding from jeans which waistline hovers around the upper thigh is foul and offensive, oh yeah, it's also tacky and juvenile. It says to world that you're not prepared to enter tax-paying society; you are unable to figure out your true waist size; you believe there's a correlation to the number of women you get to how low your pants are. Wrong. Dead wrong. No man is an island, as the saying goes (my grandfather always said it, I hear) and we must all coexist in some semblance of harmony. You're not alone, therefore if I shower and put on proper fitting trousers and cover my privates, you should as well. If I take the effort to present myself in a civilized manner, so should you. Visible, soiled boxer shorts are not part of civilized society. They are for your eyes and whomever has the unfortunate task and handling your hamper. There. I said it.
On to my second point...Tank tops (sometimes referred to wifebeaters by inconsiderate cretins) are undergarments. I repeat, tank tops and undergarments. Therefore, young men of America, please refrain from wearing them to the mall without a proper shirt, further exposing your faded plaid boxer shorts. This practice is the height of thuggery. It appears that you are ready to fight by exposing your bidceps to potential opponents. This is not part of civilized society. If you wish to expose your meaningless tribal tattoo on your 'roided up bicep, please drive to the nearest beach, jump in the water, swim a great distance and stop.
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